Chinese adoptee

Chinese adoptee

I post this poem written by one of my students who is a Chinese adoptee to America.  She takes an introductory Chinese class from me at the high school. She is curious about China and someday wants to return to study.  Her poem is not critical, just heart-rending in its innocent yearning to know her mother and motherland.

Unknown

Why did you leave?
Was the burden of bearing a girl so hard?
What did I do to push you away?
Was it that I could not carry the family name?
There are holes in my heart where you should have been
That has been waiting for you and has burned my skin

What could I do to get you back?
Was it hard for you to let me go?
What did I do for you not to want me?
Was it that I was too young to see?
I would do anything to know you are there
It was not my choice you pushed me elsewhere
Across the ocean and far away

Was it the fact you could not have more?
Why was it greed that made up your mind?
Why did you let this change our course?
What did I do to push you away?
There are holes in my heart where you should have been
That has been waiting for you and has burned my skin


                        What was your reason to give me away?
Why did you think it would not matter at all?
Was it not my heart that was being cut in half?
Why did you not feel the hurt in my chest?
I would do anything to know you are there
Across the ocean and far away

What you were missing when all I wanted was you?
Was it scary for you to send me into the unknown?
What would happen to me since I was alone?
Why were you not there when I spoke my first word?
Just a sign to know you cared and you heard
There are holes in my heart where you should have been

Why did you think that you could leave me
What you did to make me forget
Was not strong enough to fill up the holes you left

Greed got you to let go of me
Just so you could pass on the great family name
Even though my heart is sore
From the times you pushed me away
All I know is that you left me no clues
If I ever wanted to find you

Are there holes in your heart where I should have been?
Have you been waiting for me, did my absence burn your skin?
Did you wonder what I could have been?
Have you ever wondered if our lives were to cross
Would you ever inform me on the reason why
You chose to push me away that one day

I am still wondering where you are
Where you have been and where you will be
If our paths were ever to cross one day
There are still holes in my heart where you should be
Your absence has burned my heart where you should be
Your absence has burned my heart and soul
Until I know the unknown past that you hold

by Delany

Posted in the China Daily Forum